How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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