Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
