I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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