I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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