i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
