Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
