OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize