I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
