it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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