You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
