There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
