Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
