Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we're making bets on your personal life
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
