How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
