Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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