She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Randomize
