in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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