This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
