im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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