she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
