Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
