I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
