Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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