so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
