All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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