Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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