My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
