i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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