While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
