Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
