apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
