Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sorry my hands just texted you
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
