you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
