my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my sisters under your porch take her home
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
