...so i touched it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
