The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
