Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
