oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
