what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
