I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Small penises have feelings too.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
