Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I party with great urgency now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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