You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
