I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize