It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize