what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
