Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
