i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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