The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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