New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
