I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
