girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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