i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
