I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Oh god it's open bar.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
