She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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