Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
