Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
