just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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