just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
