i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He better not be in your backpack
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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