I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
