i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
