Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize