love makes seman taste better
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
As shirtless as possible
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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