Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
