Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize