2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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