Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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