I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
