he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
