if you like me you must not know who I am
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
