My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
