All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
