You're earring is so big in my mouth
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
