I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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