Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
